Yes, I'm a paranoid weirdo

I've avoided writing this blog, because well, it's going to paint me as a crazy person. But...I told myself when I started this that I was going to share the good and the bad.
Monday morning I woke up, stepped on the scale and noticed I had lost all the weight I've gained this pregnancy (all six pounds). I immediately got scared. I had been told long ago that weight loss was a sign of miscarriage (although at this point, it would be considered a still birth). I convinced myself there was something wrong with the baby. As I got ready for work, I noticed the maternity shirt I put on was bigger than normal. And I couldn't feel him move. I told Dan about my concerns, but instead of being supportive, he told me to knock it off and stop worrying.
As I sat at work, I started worrying more. At that point, I thought I had felt the baby move, but because I had already convinced myself something was wrong, I wouldn't believe it. I knew I was being silly, but I couldn't help but worry.
By lunch, I had ordered a cheap $25 fetal doppler online and had it overnighted. At lunch, I was in tears. By that night, I was better. Still worrying, but I had calmed down a lot.
The next day, I impatiently waited for the doppler to arrive. When I came home after work, I found it sitting by the front door. I immediately took it upstairs, laid on the bed, slathered some gross oil on my tummy and tried to find the heartbeat. Ten minutes later, I still hadn't found it. So I went downstairs and waited until Dan got home. And then I tried again. Another 10 minutes, and just as I was ready to give up, there it was. The sound was faint, but it was there. And it was beautiful.
I may be a crazy person, but I have a living, breathing child inside of me. I knew it in my heart. Just not in my head.